apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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