I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Who died my cat blue again?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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