hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
