i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
