dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
