how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize