I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
