Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
