apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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