Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
