I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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