I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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