Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
we should paint friendship bongs
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
