Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We have started to decorate penises.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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