Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
