i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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