so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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