I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
