atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
