I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
