What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.