I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
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dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
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This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us