the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?