Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
