I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
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Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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