Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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