forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This is the high leading the old right now
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call