dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE