Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You made out with two different species that night
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.