so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
