I just threw up on my dentist
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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