6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
