It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize