You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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