Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Who died my cat blue again?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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