just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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