he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My ATM looks so different sober.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
