When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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