hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
