Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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