Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
