Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
