I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
