oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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