I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I touched a dick in church today
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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