I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
