...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
