Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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