I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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