I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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