I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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