apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
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Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
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I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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