woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Did I show you my penis last night?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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