hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
