I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
