Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
