margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
