I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
