i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
