I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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