I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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