i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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