So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
